Disclaimer: I’ve got issues.
You ever read Scripture and, instead of taking conviction in for yourself, you find your eyes wide open and clear (ha!) for other people you see sinning?
Reading Scripture and saying things like “I know that’s right!” or “I wonder if they have ever read THAT Scripture! MmmmHmmm!”
Oh how the LORD loves me!
He doesn’t let me get away with that stuff for very long! (Hebrews 12:6 the Lord disciplines those He loves…)
As I prayed for those sinners this morning…God opened my eyes wide to my own wickedness. As I prayed that He would bring about repentance in “their” hearts, He brought me to my own knees in repentance for my own pride and sin.
He reminded me of the fight I had the other night with my husband. The straw that broke the camel’s back…
Come close as I let you peek inside this train wreck…
I was making dinner for my man the other night…White Chicken Chili. I had run by Kroger to buy an already cooked rotisserie chicken to cut up for the soup.
You have to understand that my husband does most of the cooking and he is a very good cook. So I already feel insecure when I do cook. It seems the Lord uses my cooking to keep me humble as something always seems to go wrong…
makes me so mad.
But I chose this recipe because it was one that is easy and foolproof.
He comes home from work and says something like “want me to cut up the chicken?”
I’m already starting to bristle….thinking “seriously?…you don’t think I can handle this?”
But I’m going to be awesome and say “sure, you can cut it up.”
Still, I’m thinking…”you just can’t leave it alone can you?” I’m thinking things like “he doesn’t even think I can cut up a chicken. He’s worried I’m gonna screw dinner up. He thinks I’m a horrible wife and THEN…
Down, down, down the spiraling, very deeply-rutted, familiar road I have taken many times before…
He thinks I’m a horrible wife. He works all day and I can’t even be trusted to make a meal…blah blah blah.
So as he starts cutting up the chicken, completely oblivious to the hell that has broke out next to him in the kitchen, he says the worst thing he could have possibly said…
“Do you want to keep the skin on the chicken?”
OH HECK TO THE NO HE DIDN’T!!!!
All my thoughts came up and out of my mouth and it was WWF in my kitchen. I think back now to his face…his eyes…
You could see his thoughts…all I asked about was the chicken skin.
I threw all my tiny little preschool pieces in the pot and left the room to go GRAB MY BIBLE because that is what spiritually mature folks do in these situations.
As I pouted and swam around in my pool of self-pity…my faithful husband comes in the room and said “As your husband, I won’t leave you here.”
I was completely defiant. I dunk my head in the self-pity pool and came up spitting the words “oh you could leave me here and you should!!”
Jeff pressed in further and said “Debbie, you are believing the lies of the enemy right now. You have a choice to believe the truth.”
I knew in my spirit that he was right. I had a choice. I could have repented and turned from that sin of self-pity and pride and we could have saved ourselves a good hour.
But instead, I stood firm in my pride. I cast aside the conviction of the Holy Spirit and refused to come out of it until I finished with my tantrum.
My husband is going to be a rich man in eternity y’all. He is a gift. He is faithful.
Why do I tell you my chicken skin story?
Because as I read Scripture this morning and pridefully judged the sin of other’s based on my own understanding (ha!)…I had committed the same sin with my husband.
Different situation and circumstance–but still same sin. Pride.
How many times have you just run away with your feelings? The LORD in His mercy tells us CLEARLY to stop and turn back to Him and we refuse!
Maybe some run a short distance away. Maybe some run really, really far. He is still gracious and merciful to His children.
Don’t believe the lies of the enemy. God sent His son to die for us so that we CAN run to God. When pride rears it’s ugly head, Jesus is saying…no, no sweet child, I died for that…throw that pride off and come back to me…let’s keep going. Don’t waste time here. Get up, repent, let’s run the race.
I’m not used to changing direction that quickly but, with God, it IS possible.
As I sat defiantly in that chair, I knew what Jeff was saying was true. I could sense the Spirit telling me…right now…repent and turn.
All I had to do was believe the truth in this situation. But, instead, I had to do it my way.
I have a feeling that I will live the chicken skin story again. LORD, change me from the inside out so that I can pass this test of my heart next time.
Thank you LORD for your grace and mercy and that you will not leave me or forsake me but YOU, who began a good work in me, will finish it on to completion. (Philippians 1:6)
P.S. No, we did not put the chicken skin in the soup…that’s silly! 🙂
Stay tuned for my husband’s perspective…