I failed again.
I am so hard on myself when I fail.
I forget everything I’ve learned and go straight for a UFC ultimate fighter beatdown on myself.
Then I start in with the comparing myself to other seemingly super Christians.
“You will never measure up.” (LIES)
“Look where you’ve been and where you still are.” (LIES)
I stand in the downpour of condemnation rain til it soaks me and chills me to the bone.
I’m so tired of fighting this battle that I don’t even bring my umbrella this time.
What’s the point?
You ever feel like that?
I have…especially for the last several weeks.
I’ve been here before (many times) and, yet, here I go again.
God has been so good to me. My marriage is testimony to His great power and glory. Praise Jesus for that!
BUT if I take my eyes off of Jesus for one moment and fall under the heavy yoke of caring what other people think of me, the enemy will kick me so far away from the memory of what God has done and who He is in my life.
It tears me up! It makes me angry!
I get so disappointed in myself when I forget how good God is. Why would I ever take my eyes off of Him and put them on people?
Why do I care so much about what people think?
My walk with the LORD looks WILD to me…especially when I compare it to the seemingly neat and tidy walks of other people.
I tend to learn everything the hardest way and I wish that I could write in a way that would flow like pretty little packages of encouragement for anyone who would read my blogs.
But that’s not what it looks like for me. I eventually get to the encouragement part but it almost always starts off messy.
Maybe a beautiful mess?
I’m so very tired of trying to be something that I’m not.
I don’t have it all together.
I do a lot of things wrong.
I can so relate to Peter as he jumps out of the boat and runs on the water towards Jesus and then doubts Him ON THE STINKIN’ WAY and starts to drown.
Please forgive me LORD!
He grabs my hand as I start to drown.
And He says…
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)
I’m coming out of this valley…
I know there will be others…
But for now…
I have heard His heart towards me (and you) through His Word and I want to share it with you.
Stay tuned. More to come.