“Being wanted, welcomed, invited and included are some of the most mending experiences on the planet.” Adele Ahlberg Calhoun
Have you ever been invited, but had a gut feeling you weren’t really wanted…even though you heard the words, “You are wanted.” Not only do I understand this, I hear it from others…more than I’d like to.
People can usually discern when it’s not true. Of course, sometimes it is, but what I’m learning as I walk with those who are struggling in this area, they are often right. When you know what it’s like to be invited, welcomed, and wanted, you can tell the difference.
We need more than a “home” to live in. We need connection, engagement, and real love.
Help us do better, God.
The above was a post by my best friend…It got all up in my feels…just gonna share my guts a little bit.
This post makes me feel hurt…because I live it. Not everywhere but in places or with people that are pretty important to me.
I hear the words “you are wanted”, “you are invited” and even the words “you are needed” but, just like when I was a kid, those words are said but it seems, as the years go by, the preference is “as long as I keep quiet and unseen.”
It leaves me feeling like I am “too much.”
Yes, I do take this to God, sometimes daily. One of my greatest struggles is rejection. I am learning to process that more healthily.
I want no root of bitterness to take hold in my heart but it is a struggle for me because…
- I love community.
- I love connection.
- I love to love on peeps.
Sometimes finding the balance of connecting, engaging and experiencing love when I discern I’m not wanted is difficult.
When I’m told to NOT share my story, it makes me feel shame in places that God said He took my shame upon the Cross.
My story isn’t fluffy. My story is messy and scary. I believe with my whole heart that my personal story and my story with Jeff…are ones that scream God’s grace and mercy. Yet I feel some people would prefer if I remained quiet about it. How does that help others if it points to Jesus?
This led me to thinking about other words that hurt because they are just words. For example, “I forgive you” or (my personal favorite) “I forgave you a long time ago” and yet years go by with no connection, no engaging and certainly no love.
Yes, it hurts me but I have learned that is not a burden for me to carry. God can handle that. It’s too big for me.
I went through a very painful time of separation from a very precious friend of mine. We were very close for many years but we parted ways. She was angry with me and carried a lot of unforgiveness towards me. This went on for years and it hurt deeply but it was a friendship that I had to lay down like so many others because it had reached a point that there really wasn’t anything that I could do about it but let God be God.
One day, out of the blue, I received a text from this friend. I can’t remember exactly everything that she said but my heart locked in on these words I remember distinctly…”Can you come over? Will you help me to forgive you?”
NOW THAT IS SOMETHING WE CAN WORK WITH. Those weren’t just words, I could hear her heart in it even though it was a text. You better believe I was in my car and at her house within minutes and we are friends again. She didn’t just speak words. She followed up with actions that showed her heart was in it. I believe that made Jesus smile. I love making Him smile. And now I smile whenever I get to talk to her. (you know who you are girl…I loves you…and thank you).
Oh, how I love redemption and restoration!
I have experienced the great gift of repentance and redemption but restoration on this earth with humans does not look at all like I thought it would. In some cases, I don’t think it looks like what Jesus would want it to either.
What I do know is that He is using it in my life.
I’d rather wait on Jesus than to force my way out there to be seen and heard.
God sees me and has given me great opportunities to go and share and be a part of sharing my story in other places and that has blessed me so much. Those opportunities encourage my heart and my husband’s heart too.
I have also been blessed to be asked to walk with women as we learn together who God is and who He says we are and what all that means to walking out the New Life in Christ. I LOVE LOVE LOVE those opportunities! And I welcome any woman who needs encouragement or accountability to move forward to contact me. I loves you already.
I so appreciate the opportunity to write parts of my story on A New Life Journey and invite others to share their stories. Our stories matter. People matter. ALL PEOPLE MATTER.
And that is a HUGE reason why I became a Certified Christian Life Coach. I believe I can help you struggle well through the disappointments of life…mainly because of our LORD and Savior…but also because of what I personally have had to walk and wrestle through myself. You name it and I have walked through it. Of course I tried it my way first but, if that is where you are, I can tell you right now…that is not going to work. That is simply the truth sweet peeps!
Now I do want to add a word of caution in sharing our stories. Sometimes, it may not be the right time or the right person to share your story with. I have unfortunately learned this the hard way too. In those cases, I have connected once with that person and proven to be “too much” and now I’m either avoided or ghosted. Coffee dates just drop like they were never mentioned and eye contact is avoided at all costs.
This doesn’t hurt as much as it used to (though it still stings y’all). Jesus was and is rejected all the time. Jesus was and is perfect in every way. What makes me think that I wouldn’t be rejected? I’m certainly not perfect! Perspective change sweet peeps!
I’ll end with this…
Jesus loves me this I know for the Bible tells me so. And He put His heart on the line…He gave His life for me knowing full well all the things that I would do to choose my own way. He did this to show me (and you) that He is who He says He is and He means what He says.
And as long as I have that hope to hang on to:
I will press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:14) And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) and…